Franciscan Meditations.

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We were given a paper with the Prayer of St Francis this weekend, broken down, line by line. I thought it was a great idea for a series of postings and reflection.

Of course, the irony of it all is that it wasn't written by St Francis at all. See The Story Behind the Prayer of St Francis, straight from the Franciscans, so no arguments from the peanut gallery. Yet, I think we all know that this simple and beautiful prayer embodies the philosophy of Franciscan life, whether secular or ordained.

So, today I start with the thoughts on the first line of the prayer.
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Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
As a Franciscan Fraternity, how do we work to be instruments of peace for our society?

Oh, this is a hard one to start off with. Peace? Me? And why would the Lord want me to do such a thing?

Peace in the workplace. The corporate mindset, the corporate atmosphere is not a peaceful one. If one is in some kind of customer service, dealing with selfish people is not conducive to a peaceful state of mind. I used to get involved, I used to get into the alliances and the garbage talk as an element of survival. I used to hunt for a person or a few people I could vent to when the poo hit the breeze-making device.

I learned--the hard way--that it almost always backfired, no matter how justified my grievances were. Even in the temp job before this, even though I was totally, absolutely correct in my assessment of the person who was a peace-stealer, and even though I had spoken to the correct people about the issue, it didn't matter. The corporate politics won out.

I know what my problem is: I can't play the corporate game; I am not a corporate animal. So, slowly, painfully, I have learned to distance myself, to say non-committal things, to gently change the subject; therefore, in the stormy atmosphere, I create around me an island of serenity.

And the funny thing? I found that people were drawn to that more than the intrigue that I used to involve myself in.

Peace in the larger scene: local and global. I think this is my weakest spot. I'm more of an introvert, I like the parish activities: catechism, EMHC, SFO. It's not that I'm *not* needed within the parish, as a conversation with the catechism director proved this weekend. I don't think anything is wrong with that, because the Lord certainly knows that the smaller world of the local parish needs people, and I really do like that niche.

If I don't do it on my own, though, the St Clare Emerging Community will soon cure that, as we are seeking out a fraternity area of service. It hasn't been decided yet. But then I will be back in the arena I was in high school when I was a part of Interact--the things we did in the community. Gotta think about that one.


Peace in the family. It depends on the family. On both sides of my family there are histories of fractures in family unity--different catalysts, same results. Unfortunately, they have been distilled within my siblings and myself. It's a hard habit to break when the other sibs don't see that it's repeating itself. I had a long talk with a dear old monsignor about that, and the wise old man just shrugged in the end: "be the best daughter you can be," he said in his lovely Irish brogue. When an 80 year old monsignor has no solution to offer, you know it's bad ju-ju.

I have done my utmost to forgive the ill done to and wished upon me, but others just can't seem to let go. I have now learned that I have to distance myself from it.

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. I decided to revoke that permission and seek peace for myself instead of sacrificing it.


Peace in marriage. This is an area in which I am incredibly blessed. TJ and I are amazingly compatible, attuned to each other, totally on the same page. We talk about everything, withhold nothing, play no games, baring our hearts to each other.

It's really easy, and I don't see why people make marriage so hard. Maybe they just can't give of themselves enough--that's all it is, really, is giving. When both sides give, there's no thought of 'what am I getting out of this,' because the giving is the joy.

The peace and contentment in my marriage gives me strength to deal with everything else in my life.

Peace within oneself. Fr Albert Hoorman said in a homily last December, "If you have no peace, you can have no joy." I remember sitting there slackjawed throughout the rest of his homily, and my mind was blown. The light bulb had not only come on, but exploded in my head.

This is the heart of the entire matter! I realized that morning. If *I* am not at peace, then how can I be an *instrument* of that peace?

It is the starting point of my secular Franciscan journey.

~~~
To start on that road, I have started to jettison those very things that drag me down and rob me of that peace.

Things. People. Ideas. Items. Happenings. Memories.
Thoughts--oh, yes, all those negative thoughts.
Words, the expressions of those thoughts, have to clean up my mouth.
Events. Mindsets. Prejudices. Irritations. Ill will. Grudges.
Moody moods--oh, another one that crops up every Saturday morning, according to TJ. Impatience. Wants (as opposed to needs).

And on and on.

Then I need to build up the positive and good. That's the easy thing, I think.