Defending the Faith?
One of my evil pleasures is reading Fark.com. It is one of my favorite news sites/forums. However, for all the participants' tirades on inclusion and fairness, it is a bastion of intolerance in a lot of cases, especially when it comes to Catholicism. In this thread, I tried to reason it out with some of them. I think I lost. Here are some excerpts and my commentary.
Me: My faith is strong and impenetrable...
Gawdzila: I.e. blindly obstinate.
Why is it that, when someone has a solid faith in God, that they're blindly obstinate? People don't seem to understand that God transcends everything. I've said before that I don't buy off on *everything* the Church says, because I have a brain. I take responsibility for that though, and I'll probably have to have a wee chat with St. Peter at the end of my days. "See, Petey, it's like this..."
Me: And don't think that Law isn't doing his penance. ... And you can bet he's isolated. No contact with the world, no power as he had yielded, power that he loved and craved. You can bet that he is persona non grata. Not your idea or mine of "justice"...
Gawdzila: Exactly.
Later in the thread someone pointed out that Law didn't do the deed himself. I then replied later in the thread that Law is just as guilty and filthy as those he shielded. The Boston DA (a Catholic!) let this slide, big time, as did the Vatican. Worse punishment should be meted out. It just seems that people don't understand that there are punishments worse than Bubba in the jail cell to people who wielded certain power.
Persnickety (in response to another poster's snarky comment): What makes you think this is the Vatican's policy? Seems to me Law is the asshole who made the decision to move pedos around. If it happened in other dioceses, you go after the top dog there too. Again, why punish everyone when it is only a handful of morons who messed up?
I suspect Persnickety isn't Catholic, either, but he/she gets it. I had correlated that line of thought to teachers who get busted for dinking with the kids: the school doesn't get trashed, and neither do the offender's colleagues. Faulty logic, I suppose, but I never took philosophy and argument. It's no surprise I got reamed. Kiss me arse, I say.
Gawdzila, in response to Persnickety: Because the Vatican is aware of what is going on and they have the power to, at the very least, publicly demand that all responsible parties be kicked out of the church and allow legal proceedings to , continue against them. But they haven't, so they are complicit in allowing people like Law to continue doing what they are doing.
Do people understand how huge the Church is? The Vatican, while it has feelers everywhere, is not omniscient. In a church of this size, I imagine that it's very easy to play the coconut game. "What? I saw nothing." It wasn't until it became such a hot topic that the Vatican realized that there was a massive problem.
The Church may be guided by the Holy Spirit, but the men in red and white are still only human.
Is it me, or is the problem mostly in America?I have rarely run across such a problem in Europe or Australia... or maybe I'm just uninformed. Yeah, probably.
Gawdzila: If the church's leadership had simply excommunicated these priests for their actions and allowed the law to take its course, the church would not be the subject of such criticism.
Me: You'll not get an argument from me or any thinking Catholic on this statement. Right on the noggin.
Yes, my opponent was correct on this and I admitted it. This is what the Church *should* have done but didn't; irreparable damage was done to the Church's image. Bravo, Gawdzila.
Me: Sadly, some rotten apples spoil the whole shipment of barrels for a lot of you. It's hardly fair to lump the entire church because of a minority problem.
JestersTear: The problem is that it's the farking LEADERS OF THE CHURCH, dumbass!
***I never denied this, by the way. It was badly handled.
Pope John Paul, Pope Benedict, and their inner circle were aware of the events and condoned them through their actions and inaction.
***Condoned? Really? While I agree there was "inaction," the Church thinks in terms of eons, and not decades; things move slowly. It's getting there though.
Funny, JPII, the Pope of the Youth, John Paul the Great, is the evil character to this person. Interesting.
This wasn't "some rotten apples" on the fringe of the organization, this was the hierarchy of the organization comitting these crimes and / or discouraging the assaulted from filing police reports, and helping move the accused molestors to new crops of victims.
***Law would be considered "local" hierarchy, and, while a "leader," was not the Pope or part of the Cardinals' circle in Rome. Anyway, we all have to figure Law lied to the Vatican's face all that time and, in the absence of proof, Rome had to wait; that wait costs us. And it's true that the victims were intimidated by these foul persons: it happened here during O'Brien's tenure. It was wrong, so very wrong, but the work to fix the problem has been ignored by the people who will always insist that the Roman Catholic Church is evil--we'll never do anything right in their eyes.
This wasn't a recent happening. I'm 36, and I recall hearing about this crap happening when I was a child.
--"I recall hearing"? This person is relying on hearsay, which is not a good argument. His/her point is semi-valid, but hearing about it isn't the same as someone who *knows* someone who was traumatized.
Tell me, how is it that these people scream about child molestation (rightly!) but turn a blind eye to homosexuality?
I'm over it now: Seriously, corruption in Rome is nothing new. Anybody who is shocked by this simply hasn't paid attention for about 800 years or so. Not saying the Protestants have it all figured out either, just saying Rome has been corrupt for eons.
This is a person who still thinks the Borgias still run things. Wow.
Firelick: Why is it, that when someones picks on the heads of a religion, it automatically means that, that person is picking on the whole religion..?
Because they are, honey. Especially when it comes to the last acceptable form of bigotry, hating and trashing the Catholic Church.
Me: I'm sorry to see that anyone who has strong faith is automatically "blindly obstinate" in your book.
Gawdzilla: Well, the word "faith" in and of itself implies adherence to a belief, no matter the mountain of evidence against it or lack of evidence for it. That is pretty much the definition of 'blindly obstinate', isn't it?
No.
Blindly: without understanding, reservation, or objection
Obstinate: tenaciously unwilling or marked by tenacious unwillingness to yield
Therefore, no (see? I can has logic! heh). I understand what I am defending. I am not unwilling to discuss other views, as shown within the thread. I am a thinking animal. And as I believe in one God in light of the teachings of the holy Roman Catholic Church, I open myself to debate and flaming, I also will defend to the best of my abilities the tenets and reputation of my Faith and of my Church. My abilities may suck badly, but I will try until I'm physically and mentally unable to anymore.
Me: It makes my day when my religion comes up in otherwise pleasant conversations and I get a quip along the lines of 'you like child f*ckers, do you?' Not a misconception at all. Try being on the receiving end of such commentary and you'll get fed up too.
Gawdzila: Hm, I can see your point. I'd never make a comment like that, hell my grandma is still Catholic (though I admit that she is a pretty liberal one). I guess there are plenty of people who like to generalize on the basis of the actual molesters, but myself and many of the other non-mouth-breathers in this thread are more upset about the Church's response than the emergence of the problem in the first place.
See, this is a reasonable response. Dialogue is good. And, since this person had been reasonable, I wrote:
Me: Thanks for being considerate, Gawdzilla, even if you and I don't see eye to eye. Peace.
Which engendered the response from Gawdzilla:
Indeed. A few words uttered with reason and respect has more impact than an entire angry tirade. Peace, friend.
When you can argue and debate and end it on a respectful note, that's progress.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor, open the door, and let 'em in*
I'm not a McCartney fan, but this is the appropriate snip of music in my head right now. Tonight, I think, there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel, that dark tunnel that I wrote about before. It's just a pale, tiny glimmer, but a pinpoint of light nonetheless.
Not a lot has changed, really, but sometimes... there's just an instance where you have that nudge that you're doing the right thing, following the right path even though you lost the map.
Or, to continue the initial thought, someone was knocking and I opened the door.
Our fraternity had an impromptu pot luck meeting that was set up last week and took place earlier this evening (I just got home). A few months ago we had our elections, and we have a new formation director, with the person who came in second in voting an unofficial co-director (neither of whom is the previous director). They have revamped the formation syllabus and changed dates and times, we have new, more convenient times for formation and the meetings, and oh yeah, things are looking much better as a whole. Not so all-encompassing and day-wrecking (time-wise) as it was before. There are changes and shifts in meeting times and durations that are much different than we've had before, but I think they will be for the better, and everyone concerned will be happier overall.
One of the topics discussed was Mentors and Mentoring. I have had horrid luck with mentors. Mary was my first choice, someone I have always looked up to. But in the early fall last year, the Minister of her fraternity (not the one I'm in) had to have major surgery, and, as she was vice-minister, she foresaw problems with having time to give. So I go to Terri, another lovely woman who I love dearly, but we never could meet or talk, and she's had severe health issues. I was discouraged. I chose two ladies I trusted and looked up to, but they didn't pan out.
P, our new formation director, emailed me earlier this week, saying that he had just talked to Terri, and I would need a new mentor because of her poor health and our inability to get together and make it work. There was someone within our fraternity that I had grown to like and respect, and in recent months had started to quietly connect with. But I didn't have the nerve to go up and ask R. to mentor me, as I assumed he was swamped, already had a candidate or two to mentor, etc. etc.
Well, tonight became "assign those floaters who are in attendance to mentors" night. Not all of the candidates were assigned, especially if they weren't there. I think that the new council wants to start our new year cycle in August with all the pins in a row, which is wonderful. I think it's a grand idea and I watched and listened. My plight hadn't been discussed right off the bat, so I merely watched with interest, wondering if I could pull R. aside along with P. later in the evening and approach him on the subject. Unfortunately, all the tea I had drunk at dinner suddenly hit and I had to disappear for a moment. I come back, my name is called and I look up in surprise.
It kind of became an auction in reverse; instead of the price going up, people eligible were eliminated. R. was the 'reverse auctioneer,' if you will. Oh, Rosemary has two, Bill has one but is going on a South American mission in September, Sue is already mentoring and is swamped with Regional stuff, and thus it goes around the room. Suddenly, R. looks at me and says, "How about I be your mentor?"
I wanted to cheer, "HELL YEAH!" and dance a (badly executed) jig, but decorum decreed that I say in a demure tone, "That would be great!" I don't think I could keep the smile off my face or out of my eyes.
As it turns out, he isn't mentoring anyone at this point, so it's very fortuitous.
I am a scaredy cat. Mew!
~~~
This encouraging turn of events has my mind lighter... I know that's a badly constructed sentence, but it describes how I feel. I can actually think about picking up the website after months of indifference and lack of contributions from others, and getting back into the swing of things again. I haven't entirely shaken that disappointment that struck me so forcibly a few weeks ago.
We have a month off--we take every July meeting off for a break--and I think by the time that we start gearing back up in August I'll be ready to go. Hopefully, by then, the rest of my mind will be similarly at ease and I will be raring to go.
~~
Please pray for my fellow candidate who has a sister that's been in ICU for nine days; it's not looking good, and she and her family need all the prayers they can get. Thanks.
~~
Edited to Add: Her sister has passed away.
O Gentlest heart of Jesus, ever present in the Blessed Sacrament, ever consumed with burning love for the poor captive souls in Purgatory, have mercy on the soul of Thy departed servant. Be not severe in Thy judgment but let some drops of Thy Precious Blood fall upon the devouring flames, and do Thou O merciful Saviour send the angels to conduct her to a place of refreshment, light and peace. Amen.
__________________
*Paul McCartney/Wings, "Let 'Em In," 1976.
Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor, open the door, and let 'em in*
I'm not a McCartney fan, but this is the appropriate snip of music in my head right now. Tonight, I think, there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel, that dark tunnel that I wrote about before. It's just a pale, tiny glimmer, but a pinpoint of light nonetheless.
Not a lot has changed, really, but sometimes... there's just an instance where you have that nudge that you're doing the right thing, following the right path even though you lost the map.
Or, to continue the initial thought, someone was knocking and I opened the door.
Our fraternity had an impromptu pot luck meeting that was set up last week and took place earlier this evening (I just got home). A few months ago we had our elections, and we have a new formation director, with the person who came in second in voting an unofficial co-director (neither of whom is the previous director). They have revamped the formation syllabus and changed dates and times, we have new, more convenient times for formation and the meetings, and oh yeah, things are looking much better as a whole. Not so all-encompassing and day-wrecking (time-wise) as it was before. There are changes and shifts in meeting times and durations that are much different than we've had before, but I think they will be for the better, and everyone concerned will be happier overall.
One of the topics discussed was Mentors and Mentoring. I have had horrid luck with mentors. Mary was my first choice, someone I have always looked up to. But in the early fall last year, the Minister of her fraternity (not the one I'm in) had to have major surgery, and, as she was vice-minister, she foresaw problems with having time to give. So I go to Terri, another lovely woman who I love dearly, but we never could meet or talk, and she's had severe health issues. I was discouraged. I chose two ladies I trusted and looked up to, but they didn't pan out.
P, our new formation director, emailed me earlier this week, saying that he had just talked to Terri, and I would need a new mentor because of her poor health and our inability to get together and make it work. There was someone within our fraternity that I had grown to like and respect, and in recent months had started to quietly connect with. But I didn't have the nerve to go up and ask R. to mentor me, as I assumed he was swamped, already had a candidate or two to mentor, etc. etc.
Well, tonight became "assign those floaters who are in attendance to mentors" night. Not all of the candidates were assigned, especially if they weren't there. I think that the new council wants to start our new year cycle in August with all the pins in a row, which is wonderful. I think it's a grand idea and I watched and listened. My plight hadn't been discussed right off the bat, so I merely watched with interest, wondering if I could pull R. aside along with P. later in the evening and approach him on the subject. Unfortunately, all the tea I had drunk at dinner suddenly hit and I had to disappear for a moment. I come back, my name is called and I look up in surprise.
It kind of became an auction in reverse; instead of the price going up, people eligible were eliminated. R. was the 'reverse auctioneer,' if you will. Oh, Rosemary has two, Bill has one but is going on a South American mission in September, Sue is already mentoring and is swamped with Regional stuff, and thus it goes around the room. Suddenly, R. looks at me and says, "How about I be your mentor?"
I wanted to cheer, "HELL YEAH!" and dance a (badly executed) jig, but decorum decreed that I say in a demure tone, "That would be great!" I don't think I could keep the smile off my face or out of my eyes.
As it turns out, he isn't mentoring anyone at this point, so it's very fortuitous.
I am a scaredy cat. Mew!
~~~
This encouraging turn of events has my mind lighter... I know that's a badly constructed sentence, but it describes how I feel. I can actually think about picking up the website after months of indifference and lack of contributions from others, and getting back into the swing of things again. I haven't entirely shaken that disappointment that struck me so forcibly a few weeks ago.
We have a month off--we take every July meeting off for a break--and I think by the time that we start gearing back up in August I'll be ready to go. Hopefully, by then, the rest of my mind will be similarly at ease and I will be raring to go.
~~
Please pray for my fellow candidate who has a sister that's been in ICU for nine days; it's not looking good, and she and her family need all the prayers they can get. Thanks.
~~
Edited to Add: Her sister has passed away.
O Gentlest heart of Jesus, ever present in the Blessed Sacrament, ever consumed with burning love for the poor captive souls in Purgatory, have mercy on the soul of Thy departed servant. Be not severe in Thy judgment but let some drops of Thy Precious Blood fall upon the devouring flames, and do Thou O merciful Saviour send the angels to conduct her to a place of refreshment, light and peace. Amen.
__________________
*Paul McCartney/Wings, "Let 'Em In," 1976.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Crossing a Barren Desert
I haven't been to Mass regularly in a long time. Why? Not sure. I am unmotivated to do a lot of things. I need to confess that, as I can't partake until I've done so. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out why I'm feeling this way. I haven't been in the mood to do much of anything Church-wise, whether it's serving at Mass, contacting the Catechism director, or the SFO--especially the SFO, where the whole presentation thing and how it was mostly dumped on me added to my despondent attitude.
I think a part of my issues have to do with all those years in crisis mode, always being on call at all times. Now that Mother is gone, the constant dread of when the shoe is going to drop has left a void that hasn't healed yet, and I haven't quite been able to drop that habitual tension. Yesterday's blue mood had more to do with my late sister: she would have been 46. Funny, as the years pass, I miss her more.
Mother's death opened a can of worms in the family dynamics aspect of life; to give an idea of how bad it's gotten, I do not want my siblings in my house--I can't host any event or holiday because of the blatant disrespect shown me, TJ, and my house. I finally learned that after all these years it's okay to say NO, that I am allowed to call my own shots within the family, to not allow myself to be their dumping ground as they blithely go on with their lives. Yet it makes me sad: it shouldn't have to be this way. Having learned to stand up for myself has exacted its own cost.
Add to this my procreation woes: five years of trying and nothing to show except for one terrifying ectopic. TJ said in January he would get tested, as he had for two years previously. They won't look at me until they look at him--he's easier to pinpoint/rule out. However, he has hangups about it. Granted, it's not a pleasant thing to look forward to, but I've personally endured worse. His is a one-shot deal... no pun intended, sorry... but mine will be invasive and embarrassing. Until he does his bit, I can't do mine. Anytime I bring it up he counters with things that have nothing to do with the price of beans in China. Very frustrating.
Not too long ago he said that we can't afford any assistance--yet we can find several grand for his jaw/teeth problems, several grand for the cat, and will spend thousands upon thousands eventually for him to pursue his dream: he wants to be a psychologist. This is great and fine, and I absolutely support him in his dream. But does it mean that I have to give up mine to be a parent? If it's a money issue as far as he's concerned, then adoption is out, as well as any other alternative. Lately, however, I've been wondering if he subconsciously doesn't want children. This issue has slowly overtaken my mind because I'm not getting any younger; once I was cynical about women crying about the "ticking clock." Now my own is ticking, with any chances of fulfilling my dream slowly vanishing, and it's a lonely place to be.
Also, I have recently had to face up that I have to let go of someone I care deeply for. This gentleman--let's call him Joe--was once a very close friend. We could talk forever: I'm the bookish one with all sorts of vast and odd knowledge, he is very smart and is world traveled thanks to several years in the military. We filled each others' gaps intellectually and it was so much fun just to talk about everything and nothing. Then, one day last September, Joe confessed he fell in love with me. Of course I had to say as kindly as I could (trying to hide my quiet little horror of being put into an impossible situation), no, sorry, there's nothing I can do, I said, but keep walking with me as my friend anyway. I know it can be done; wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't possible. It has been a struggle, and I have prayed over it. A lot. But after the better part of this past year and his inability to deal with my reality, my love for TJ that has never changed, I have decided to let him and the dead friendship go. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but when all topics are now restricted, conversations become shorter and progressively more impersonal, there's nothing left for me to do. It's broken my heart. I tried. Tout fini.
So, yeah, I'm in that lonely deserted place with only myself to talk to. I've thought about talkig with Padrino, or with the pastor at my own parish, but from watching first hand I know they have so much on their hands already. I don't know what to do. Writing has helped.
Please forgive my long-windedness.
(Warning: lots and lots of venting, whining and crying. Stop now if you don't want to read).
For some time--and I'm not sure where it started--I've been in a sort of lethargy. I don't want to say crisis, because it's not a crisis, and certainly not a crisis of faith (thank God). But it's just... I don't know. Lethargy, apathy, bleh.
I haven't been to Mass regularly in a long time. Why? Not sure. I am unmotivated to do a lot of things. I need to confess that, as I can't partake until I've done so. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out why I'm feeling this way. I haven't been in the mood to do much of anything Church-wise, whether it's serving at Mass, contacting the Catechism director, or the SFO--especially the SFO, where the whole presentation thing and how it was mostly dumped on me added to my despondent attitude.
I think a part of my issues have to do with all those years in crisis mode, always being on call at all times. Now that Mother is gone, the constant dread of when the shoe is going to drop has left a void that hasn't healed yet, and I haven't quite been able to drop that habitual tension. Yesterday's blue mood had more to do with my late sister: she would have been 46. Funny, as the years pass, I miss her more.
Mother's death opened a can of worms in the family dynamics aspect of life; to give an idea of how bad it's gotten, I do not want my siblings in my house--I can't host any event or holiday because of the blatant disrespect shown me, TJ, and my house. I finally learned that after all these years it's okay to say NO, that I am allowed to call my own shots within the family, to not allow myself to be their dumping ground as they blithely go on with their lives. Yet it makes me sad: it shouldn't have to be this way. Having learned to stand up for myself has exacted its own cost.
Add to this my procreation woes: five years of trying and nothing to show except for one terrifying ectopic. TJ said in January he would get tested, as he had for two years previously. They won't look at me until they look at him--he's easier to pinpoint/rule out. However, he has hangups about it. Granted, it's not a pleasant thing to look forward to, but I've personally endured worse. His is a one-shot deal... no pun intended, sorry... but mine will be invasive and embarrassing. Until he does his bit, I can't do mine. Anytime I bring it up he counters with things that have nothing to do with the price of beans in China. Very frustrating.
Not too long ago he said that we can't afford any assistance--yet we can find several grand for his jaw/teeth problems, several grand for the cat, and will spend thousands upon thousands eventually for him to pursue his dream: he wants to be a psychologist. This is great and fine, and I absolutely support him in his dream. But does it mean that I have to give up mine to be a parent? If it's a money issue as far as he's concerned, then adoption is out, as well as any other alternative. Lately, however, I've been wondering if he subconsciously doesn't want children. This issue has slowly overtaken my mind because I'm not getting any younger; once I was cynical about women crying about the "ticking clock." Now my own is ticking, with any chances of fulfilling my dream slowly vanishing, and it's a lonely place to be.
Also, I have recently had to face up that I have to let go of someone I care deeply for. This gentleman--let's call him Joe--was once a very close friend. We could talk forever: I'm the bookish one with all sorts of vast and odd knowledge, he is very smart and is world traveled thanks to several years in the military. We filled each others' gaps intellectually and it was so much fun just to talk about everything and nothing. Then, one day last September, Joe confessed he fell in love with me. Of course I had to say as kindly as I could (trying to hide my quiet little horror of being put into an impossible situation), no, sorry, there's nothing I can do, I said, but keep walking with me as my friend anyway. I know it can be done; wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't possible. It has been a struggle, and I have prayed over it. A lot. But after the better part of this past year and his inability to deal with my reality, my love for TJ that has never changed, I have decided to let him and the dead friendship go. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but when all topics are now restricted, conversations become shorter and progressively more impersonal, there's nothing left for me to do. It's broken my heart. I tried. Tout fini.
So, yeah, I'm in that lonely deserted place with only myself to talk to. I've thought about talkig with Padrino, or with the pastor at my own parish, but from watching first hand I know they have so much on their hands already. I don't know what to do. Writing has helped.
Please forgive my long-windedness.
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